During my pre-transition days, I once met someone at a political rally, and he invited me to his house party. I had rarely been to a party where the female to male ratio was approximately 9:1, and something immediately told me this guy was really into womanizing.
He introduced me to all his friends, who all seemed very nice, and we all ended up having a good time mingling that night. The next day, I called him up and asked him how he knew all these women, and complimented him on being such a macho “pimp,” as if making an inaccurate statement towards what defined masculinity somehow strengthened my authenticity in promoting a false facade in the wrong gender presentation. He revealed that all of these women were, at one time or another, dating him, and it just “didn’t work out for some strange reason.” I felt that was weird, and started intuitively getting a bad vibe about this guy.
I hung out with him a few times after that, and I quickly noticed as time progressed that he was an asshole, especially towards women. He was nice to all of his male friends, but very rude and condescending towards all his female friends. And I knew that there was no such thing as a part time asshole. This guy definitely was part time, if not fulltime, asshole.
Sure enough, fast forward to 2011, when I transitioned my gender and came out to all my friends, he called me up and completely insulted me and said some of the most vile, cruel, and despicable things that have ever been uttered to me by any human being or sewer vermin, for that matter.
Amongst one of the many bigoted and misinformed beliefs he said was the mistaken notion that “transgender people are just gay people who haven’t accepted the fact that they are gay, and hence think changing their gender to ‘female’ makes them ‘normal’ and accepted.” I won’t even waste time mentioning what else he said.
But I will mention that there is an uncanny connection, relation, and insight in how men who treat women poorly also treat transgender women (pre transition) poorly as well. Despite not presenting as my self-identified gender when I met this guy, his detection of feminine energy in me triggered his misogynistic behavior.
Looking back at all the many unfortunate instances where I witnessed men treating their girlfriends poorly, I was able to recall how I, too, was treated poorly by these similar individuals, despite presenting as male in those days.
Moreover, I was, on occasion, guilty of being part of that category of men who treated women poorly. I was so ashamed of my true identity, my feminine self, that I thought mimicking these men would somehow validate my masculine self and false image.
I can only make amends where possible, and ask for forgiveness and learn from my past behavior and mistakes. And I have done so accordingly.
And my past behaviors make it even more critical for me to be the best woman I can be now, and to bring as much honor to the new women’s team that I finally re-ascribed myself to join. Only through my diligent perseverance and fortitude in honoring my authentic self and high accountability for self responsibility and recourse will I bring a newfound faith to this new team.
And it is through this lifelong plan of heartfelt dedication that I will be able to contribute to expanding the definition of a woman and make future interactions for transgender people within mainstream society safer in multiple aspects.