Naked Performer

Chic Chinese chick dressed to the nines
Scared people will think
she’s a boy hiding behind her skirts…
my past hidden behind Laura Mercier

Wearing expensive Guess but I don’t want you to guess too hard…
don’t figure it out
insecurities behind an aura of perfection
imperfection behind a secure facade

Such attention
A performer spinning
something to do, something to portray
assignment of decadence grabs the ego

combat ensues
performer laid off from duty
As if the payment of union dues left late
ensuring the stifling of the spectacular

The victor is doubt
and fear of scrutiny and critique
Fear of not pleasing the entire crowd
Fear of missing perfection

The theater remains dark
Curtain turns to rust
Cast and crew dismissed with prejudice
another cancelled performance

slumber into a corner, dejected
ego has slain me again
Lured away with shiny objects
Disguising the trick of draining and discouraging

pull myself back up by my fair trade leather bootstraps
And try to avoid chasing my tail in another ego roller coaster ride
There is nothing to fear, I reassure
We are obstacles to our own performance

Resistance to pick up the call
as my muse beckons repeatedly
an insecure orphan, scared to engage
possibilities of beauty and divinity

hiding behind other people’s creations
feelings and comfort guiding
not rationality and hope
Jealousy watching others, I can do so too!

anxiety mounts as I cop out
Into the slumber corner, as the mountain grows higher
Fantasies the only solace misplaced

Seeking comfort from the words of others
An internal structure lacking gears and lubricant,
substance Misleading blueprints and engineers cutting corners promise the deal of a lifetime
unsustainable design shortchanging through incompetence

back to the counter at the mall
Fashionable exoskeleton
Paying for ransom always reliable,
why collapse now?

My heart tugs
asking if she’s allowed out to play
A second plea, I notice
There must be a good reason

All the times I did let her out
Things went so very well, wowing the crowd
Why not free her now?
What to lose?
What to gain? compassion? empathy? life?

Rationalization and analysis aside
She is in the present, fears aside?
Loved immediately and seen by many
Attention warranted but so much for her, the best happening

cares released, legs blurred
hundred dollar heels dancing a million dollar soul
Class, elegance, dignity exuding, oozing, emanating
Fear and doubt fading, extradited from my internal dictionary

Life blossoming into living
dissolving petrified nuggets of emotion, withheld
It is possible to be naked, revelation of self
Without name brand armour?

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One thought on “Naked Performer

  1. Pingback: Aligned with My Inner Feminine Diva at Hamburger Mary’s | Menopause Before Puberty: Thoughts and Discussions on Transgenderism, Sexuality, and Other Trans-Related Issues

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