I’ve been trying to choose differently lately, looking at the positive side of things, working hard to remind myself that I hold the power between stimulus and response, the power to see the silver lining in all situations where I am a participant.
So I’m currently in the process of finding a good hip surgeon to fix my cartilage so I can function somewhat normally again. It’s been an ongoing injury that has taken a toll on my ability to live a somewhat active lifestyle, in addition to affecting my ability to wear those precious and sexy heels that I adore so much. But on the other hand, where I’m at right now is a place where I have been forced to face my hip issue, and deal with it, and I think it will go well, and at least I have a chance to get back on my feet and be healthy, in less pain again.
Instead of going into old patterns of the whiny princess, I’m trying to own up to being the queen I know I can be: take responsibility for where I am and meet myself where I’m at in life right now. Be empathetic and compassionate towards myself for the choices I’ve made in the past; you know, the choices where I overcompensated while living as a male through rough sports and abuse of my body, which is what got me here, to my current predicament today. And trust me, despite being born and raised here in Los Angeles, the Chinese American upbringing didn’t help me, culturally speaking, in terms of being forgiving towards myself. But I am trying.
I found myself in a good mood today despite seeing my orthopedic surgeon in Santa Monica. I sat in the waiting room for over an hour, and finally got called inside to one of the rooms. When the doctor finally came inside, we discussed the my biology, the geometry of my hip, and my options. I was reassured with some of the things he said, and felt confident we can pull through this together successfully.
But the golden nugget of the day was still waiting for me, still waiting to happen.
The doctor requested X-rays and upon entering the examination room, the technician, Serge, asked me:
“Before you get on the table, I need to know: Are you pregnant?”
I chuckled, and said “No.”
I couldn’t help but giggle, as his question was so multi-layered, for obvious reasons as I do come from a background where I am a woman of transgender history.
He asked me a few other questions that were non-medical related, and I went back to the waiting room.
That made my day, and I have been giggly since this morning.
Even though my hip is hurting like hell, and I have imminent surgery lurking around the corner, at least I was asked if I was pregnant today…..maybe that’s what I will choose to focus on, I think that will be much more productive and healthy for me.
And it has been…..