NOTE: I wrote this on 10/25/2013
Being a later transitioner and starting my regendering of self at 31, I missed out on all the adolescent experiences that cisgender women acquired in junior high and high school.
Nevertheless, friends have been entering my life through chance encounters and through my unwillingness to give up on having a social life.
Starting my new job a few months ago has also helped, as I get to interact with other female coworkers.
And just for the record, as of this posting, I haven’t come out to anyone at work. That’s not to say no one knows, because no transgender person passes 100% of the time, but nevertheless, I haven’t taken the initiative to tell anyone firsthand.
From the interview back in June to this exact moment, I have just been another professional woman working for my company. I don’t get involved in much more than what my work demands of me.
Furthermore, I know I’m passing in some coworker’s eyes, as a few of the other women at work asked me if I wanted to get pregnant and have kids someday. I giggled inside and told them that I respect mothers, but I see myself more as an auntie.
But one coworker, in particular, has been a gift from my mother in the sky.
I decided to engage with her in some conversation about 2 months into my new job, because there would always be a few days out of the week where she wore something that was absolutely stunning. Most of the female’s at work didn’t dress up, so it was refreshing to see someone else besides me do it for a change.
We had lunch a few times after that and I realized she was really friendly and seemed very spiritually aware and mature. And as of this past Friday, we had set aside a whole afternoon for shopping.
After work on Friday, I met her at Macy’s, and she was already at the makeup counter getting her face touched up. We took turns finding our foundation shades and blush and eyeshadow colors. The girl who was doing our makeup was incredibly friendly, and when she asked me what eyeshadown and eyeliner I use and how I like to apply them, I froze.
I literally had no language to communicate with them, and it was awkward. I got tight in my chair, and the lady told me to relax.
I thought for sure that gave me away and outed me as transgender, but we proceeded with our shopping.
After we left Macy’s, we shopped for over 4 hours. We had so much fun, trying on outfits, giving each other pointers, and helping each other out.
At one point in the evening, I asked her what she thought about 2 tops I was trying on, and she said no to both. I told her in an exhuberant voice, “Where have you been all my life? I could have used this type of decision making months ago.” She replied: “I have several older sisters, we have to be blunt and speak our mind.”
The evening was filled with insane spontaneity, intimacy, and fun. We were both stunned at how the other person kept up, and we both lamented at how our other girlfriends wouldn’t be able to do what we were doing for as long as we were doing it, and with as much enjoyment.
At that point, we knew that we at least had a good shopping partner in one another. And for women, that is better than finding gold or a husband. Well, for the most part at least ^_^
We shopped until the mall closed, going from Bebe to Express, Banana to Guess, and we went to an Indian restaurant and had a great dinner. We were famished and we were quiet for a good part of our meal. I pondered whether I should divulge in her, and I decided to take a chance and tell her about my unique and interesting history. She was all in, and was curious as hell as to what I was about to say.
Then I stalled, fearing the final outcome and her reaction.
The suspense was killing her, and she asked me if I was dying of cancer or if there was something she should know about me that was urgent or dire.
I finally told her: “I’m a transgender woman.”
It took her a while to register what I was saying, and after a few confusing looks, questions, and funny reactions, she finally got the picture. She was stunned, and she said she honestly didn’t know.
I was flattered.
We proceeded to leave the restaurant and went to Starbucks, where we talked at length about my gender history and transition, and I answered some questions that she had.
I couldn’t have asked for a better response from her. She was truly supportive, understanding, and her watery eyes and reaction to my emotional story was incredibly touching, and showed me that she understood where I was coming from and what I had been through in my journey.
I told her that I had a gap in my woman history, and that I could use some help.
She told me she had a lot of old fashion magazines at home, and that she would be happy to do collages with me, and help me with my makeup, and watch Sex and the City with me on DVD.
What a doll! She was so awesome, and I was touched.
I got home at 1 AM and was so happy I couldn’t sleep for a few hours.
What a powerful, amazing evening for Natalie.
I finally have a girlfriend to paint the town red with…
More to come…..